Kristen Stewart’s The Runaways Trailer: Decoded!

The Runaways is an important film for Kristen Stewart – it’s her chance to show that there’s more to her than sparkly vampires.

It’s important for Dakota Fanning, too. But for different reasons. You see, if the newly-released The Runaways trailer is anything to go by, the film is Dakota Fanning’s chance to prove that she can waggle her boobs around in an unsettlingly sexy piece of lingerie. That’s Dakota Fanning. Who, last time we checked, was about four years old. Yikes.

You can watch the new The Runaways trailer after the jump – complete with full hecklerspray scene-by-scene analysis – but remember: if you do watch it, you’ll probably end up on some sort of pervert register. She’s four years old, for crying out loud.
Although the Twilight movies are massively popular, they’re also incomparably rubbish. That’s why all the actors involved in Twilight are currently busting a gut to show that they’re actual actors and not a two-bit collection of lip-bites, painted-on abs and interminable middle-distance stares. Robert Pattinson, for instance has Remember Me. And Anna Kendrick has Up In The Air. And Michael Sheen has Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans.

But Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning mean business. They’ve made The Runaways, a film that couldn’t wish to be an Oscar contender any harder without over-straining and crapping down the inside of its leg. The Runaways is a biopic about a musician, you see, and they always win Oscars. Ray won Oscars. Walk The Line won Oscars. Amadeus won Oscars. However, The Runaways might not actually win any Oscars, for three reasons:

1) The Runaways is about Joan Jett who is still alive. Biopics about still-alive musicians never win Oscars.

2) Nobody cares about Joan Jett.

3) The Runaways stars Kristen Stewart – an actress who, unless we’re missing something, only has one facial expression.

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